I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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