I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
