weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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