i don't like sucking hair
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We have so much sex to catch up on
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
