the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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