dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
