How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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