your thong is hanging out like whoa
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
