I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
