She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize