I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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