she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
