she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize