my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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