You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
