he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize