Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
