i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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