Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
