i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
