fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
