you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
