I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
