he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
