hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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