you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
