HIV tests are more positive than that guy
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
