Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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