I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I skipped work to stalk him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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