you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Boobs are out for the taking
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
