i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
