She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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