My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
