Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
