Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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