I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Blood and glitter go together right?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
