My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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