Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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