You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Randomize
