hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
