Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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