that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
