note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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