we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
