Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
