smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
