please come you make the beer taste better
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize