that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
