Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
