dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
