I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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