jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
