Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
