i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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