first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Text me some of your sweat
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
