you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
