I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
