In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
