the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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