I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize