So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
