I'm jealous of your bromance
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
