no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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