Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize