I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
