I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
