I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
